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Breakdown

March 8, 2008 at 10:15 PM

In early January, the "A" key my on desktop computer's split-level keyboard (which, for all the time I had it, worked pretty good) started acting up - I actually had to remove it and push on the area below, that the key pushes into, just to get it to work. Unfortunately, this only worked a few times before nothing (well, nothing outside of just waiting) worked. A few days later, on the 16th of January, the "Q" and "Z" keys suffered the same problem as well (they're all in the same column, albeit at an angle...). I needed a working keyboard soon, so I decided to swap it out for the one from my old computer (it's a non-split-level keyboard, and the keys are a bit noisy in comparison to the split-level one). It works just fine, and I'll have to get rid of the other one later; on the plus side, I'll be able to get used to a non-split-level keyboard a lot easier now - since that's the layout of my flexible keyboard (and, albeit more compact, my laptop), I might finally be able to switch over to it.

On the 17th of January, I got stressed out at work: I couldn't eat my lunch and ended up crying when I got home. More or less, I've pretty much lost my will to work at my job: I've been asked a few times to help with things that I have absolutely no idea how to do (and, no matter how hard I try, I can't figure them out - there's no way these things could be covered by my job description), I don't hear anything back regarding hiring me for a permanent job, etc. My parents told me to tell my boss that "I'm burnt out because there's nothing to do, do you have any work for me?", but even so, there's not much that I can do...and though I want to quit, my parents keep telling me to work. I understand that I just can't sit around all the time at home, but how is continuing to work at a job you're now burnt-out with (that has no benefits and pays state minimum wage, which is $7.15/hour in Pennsylvania) any better? I've been rather irritable as of the past few weeks and I think the burnout from my job is directly related to it. After 15 months of this (I started in October 2006), I honestly feel I'm not cut out for long-term work - I enjoyed short-term jobs (no more than a few months) a lot more, probably because of their explicit deadline, which meant that I wouldn't be working so long that I would feel burnt-out.

Between the night of the 2nd and the morning of the 3rd of February, it felt hot and I couldn't fall asleep for more than a short time as a result; our furnace is a wood-burning furnace, and there was a lot in it at this time. I got up a few times during the night/morning because of this, and Dad had said I'd have to get up for church. I told him I couldn't fall asleep, and he told me to sleep without my shirt - I didn't bother taking it off as it wasn't a thick shirt, and when taking off a single cover doesn't make a difference for the heat, taking my shirt of wouldn't have helped, either. We continued that discussion, not really getting anywhere (I wanted to sleep in, as I felt very tired from the heat keeping me up), and I ended up walking out of my room and down the stairs. Dad yelled at me for walking away from him when he was talking, and asked me how that made him feel - I agreed about it making him feel bad...but I thought to myself, if he's not going to respect what others have to say (he acts like this around a few other people, too), why should they have to just shut up and listen to him? I ended up going downstairs and slept on the couch there, as it was the coldest room I could find with a couch. I slept in until about 1:30 PM or so, then got up to get a shower, and then heard Dad call - recalling what he said earlier, I purposely ignored it. He called again later and, since he might think something was up if I didn't answer, I picked up. He started another argument about me not getting up to go to church, then about setting my alarm...and, though tempted to hang up on him, I didn't. At this point, I no longer felt bad about walking away from him earlier - in fact, I think I'll do that more often to show him how it feels...especially since this has went on for years - if we get in an argument and I try to say something, he just talks (or yells) over me...so I just keep my mouth shut until he's done. I wonder if that attitude of his is the reason I don't bother to stand up for myself...

Back to my job: a few weeks ago, I found out about a permanent position that was up on the site I had been working on (related to the what I'm doing now, and I can handle what it covers). I put my name in for it, and hopefully I'll get the job. I'm going to ask about whether or not they've hired someone next week (it'll be two weeks past the deadline this Monday)...and* if I find out they did hire someone and it wasn't me, I am going to quit. The IT department is understaffed as it is, and I know it'd be cheaper for them to promote me to that job than to have it given to someone new - benefits would have to be given either way, and it'd be cheaper to increase an existing employee's rate (mine) than pay for another new employee.

[Update (2008/03/12, 11:08 PM)]

I didn't ask as my boss "interviewed" me today for the job - I was asked a few questions about being able to handle the tasks it would involve...and that was about it. It wasn't an interview per se since I'm still working there (which is why I put it in quotes), but now I've had one for the job, like the rest of the people who are applying for it. The decision won't be made till next week, so I'll have to wait till then before I find out if I got the job.

[/Update]

2 Comments

  1. Hey Rag! It's BobCFed08 aka Skan... I was killing some time online recently and came across an old Windor forum (one I don't think I frequented; must have been after I left the scene), and followed a link from there to your webpage. Just wanted to drop you a line... It's been a while buddy!

    Comment by Bob — 3/11/2008 @ 10:49 PM
  2. Hey there, Bob =)

    Nice to see an old friend after so long - thanks for replying!

    (And...wow - I think it's been years since I've been called "Rag" ;P)

    Comment by Wolfey — 3/12/2008 @ 5:50 PM

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